Oh how I used to struggle with Mother’s Day. I honestly believe that my own mother is one of the best, if not the best, ever. On Mother’s Day I obviously wanted to honor her and how amazing she is. But for the last 10-12 years, Mother’s Day has also been excruciatingly painful for me.
A month ago I was looking forward to this Mother’s Day so much – to spending it with Siobahn. Two weeks ago I was dreading it more than I’ve ever dreaded it before, after Siobahn’s adoption failed. I wondered how I’d make it through. But today? Today, I am finally a member of the club. I am doing what I feel I was always meant to do – snuggling my very own sweet little baby. She’s still in the NICU and has some wires and tubes coming off of her, and I can only hold her for certain lengths of time at certain times of the day, but I’m getting to hold her. And it is absolutely everything I ever dreamed it would be. Perfection.
I miss sweet little Siobahn, and I hope she is doing well in her foster home. I miss the baby I miscarried but know he/she is in a better place. I miss my own mom, who flew home this morning. I miss my furry and feathery babies and can’t wait to get home to them and introduce them to Samantha. I miss my babies at school. I wish my grandmother who passed away when I was in high school and my grandmother who passed away before I ever got to meet her. I miss my mother in law who is at home in Georgia waiting to meet her newest granddaughter. I miss my grandmother-in-law and grandma-in-law who passed away. I wish I could celebrate Mother’s Day with all of the mother figures in my life and all of the people (and critters) who make me a mother. But I’m content for it to be just me and the precious angel who has made me a mommy at last, hanging out and soaking in each other’s love.